you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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