since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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