I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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