I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
