You really coming over, don't trick.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize