I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
