evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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