you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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