he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
