We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
