Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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