i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
