Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
