did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
