If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
