Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There r osticjed everywhere
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
