call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Couch. On fire.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
