Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize