I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
