I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
