I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
