I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
