if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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