Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
