wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
