Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
