i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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