Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I have demons in me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
