Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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