I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sry I called you an 8
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
