so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
