I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
