How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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