guys are not supposed to queef...right?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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