there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
