everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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