Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
