You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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