You just made me feel so damn special
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
