May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
handjob tips. give me some.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
