We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
