I am midnight drunk by noon
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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