Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
