While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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