Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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