I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
