Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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