found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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