she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
