Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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