It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
