Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Randomize
