Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
