after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
