I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
