I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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