I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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