We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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