You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Shame - the story of my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
