they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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