Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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