can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
