Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
