Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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