I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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