UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize