took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
