about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
