Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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