The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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