Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
