3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When are your genitals available?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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