Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
